Saturday, June 19, 2010 @ 9:14 PM
Fuck Mark's Life
hate my life so much! i just don't know why but friends mean ALOT to me. hope i wish it don't mean so much to me. i blog also like no use la. don't even know who come and read. people who come and read tag as someone else. just don't get it la. i really wish that i have my own house. and have all the things i want. like a swimming pool behind my house. or game set to play. whereby i have NO one to stop me from doing wad i want. i think, the only time people come and read my blog is like when i ask them too. if not i doubt ANYONE will come and read my blog. i feel shitty. i just hate life when people are there and you want them to care and show concern. but wad you get? nothing. there is a saying, treat people like how you want to be treated. i treat people very well, but maybe some of them are too dumb to see wad i am doing. some people only want my help then come to me. i hate it alot. why i kanna this kind of friends. my good friends are like, forever busy. if not they have other commitments. i don't know la. people also asked me why i love camp so much. it is cause when i am in camp, we have groups and we work within that group. working in a group may not really be my thing but it makes me feel like i am wanted. and it makes me feel like a am part of this group or family. i guess i am pretty lucky to get good groups allocation.
sec1 junior camp i had people like..
RenJing, YanYue, SinYan, Jaslyn, Deniese and Adeline.
sec2 senior camp i had like...
Dinali, Cassandra, Jorine, Adeline and LuoXi.
sec5 senior camp. Facebook.
Ariena, Hafizah, Hafiqah, Wendy, Nigel, WanXin and Ashurah. Plus Sokhong.
the rest i can't remember liao. even in band camps i have funky groups. i love it. most memorable is sec2 senior camp. not saying why but ya. i felt like a part of something. but now, i dont. even in the student council Exco Board. my relationship with them was like only there when i was with shilin. when we are not together, my relationship with the board sucks. other than hafizah. but still, i just hate my life la. i used to blame myself when i was in sec3. getting the drum major post. everyone expected me to be like logistic head. but i got Drum Major. i guess Joanne, Yiteng and Singyuan are not very happy. like how can you watch a new recruit getting a rank that is way higher than you? i don't know. used to want to give up. but people brought me back with this say.
No one will know how high you can fly till you spread your wings and fly.
i spread my wing and i flew. but then. my friends cant feel it. i just hate it. they are like the most important people in the world to me. but they treat me back like some rubbish. or a dirty clothes that they just wore. i guess i am just to nice to bully. people call me sissy and gay and other shit stuff. i may look like i don't care. but i am actually very hurt. super hurt. yes i may love talking to girls. but it is cause they know how i feel. if you were to go to a guy and say that your friends are not treating you well you think they would care? girl would show a small concern to me. some may try to help me with my problems. thats why i rather turn to girls than to guys. but people called me sissy. so i try to talk to guys more. but guess wad? when i talk to guys they call me gay. wad the fuck. then like that i rather be a loner-.- sitting in a corner all by myself. i just hate my life. posting this post actually makes me feel abit better. well, better than nothing. stopping here. ciao.
